somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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