Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
