Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
