I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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