Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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