I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Also, beer. Big fan.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
