I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
