So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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