Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
