you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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