I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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