I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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