even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
