3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
