I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
In America we eat man semen.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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