Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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