a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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