sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
