Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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