i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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