Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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