and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I have fence marks all over my body
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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