guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
