I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
