If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
