A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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