i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
