dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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