Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
