pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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