Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
