I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
