She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
