And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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