I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
