I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
