I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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