the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
