I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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