So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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