Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
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Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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