She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
