No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
