I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
