I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize