You made me cry and you don't even care
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
