ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
