I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
