There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
