I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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