i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
