Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
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I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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