There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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