I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
