the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
