Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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