just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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