Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
