Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
