sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
