i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
