i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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