So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
