you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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