oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
tell your sister to shave her snatch
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
