I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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