I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
