bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
