There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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