my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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