let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
