i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
