you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
how drunk are you?
Several
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
