He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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