I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
