So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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