you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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