So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
