What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
