My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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