I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
