I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Alive.
So much puke
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
