Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
